ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
