I molested 6 butterflies tonight
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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