dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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