I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
