every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I love having hate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize