in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
