Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
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So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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