I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
