i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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