Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
