I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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