I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
