Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
