I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
