i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
