"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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