I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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