Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
