i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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