Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
