I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
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