I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize