They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
