considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
