So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Man, jail baloney is awful.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
