but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
