This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
foreskin is a definite game changer
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize