I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
