just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just found puke in my bra..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
