Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
