Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
