the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
