When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
