Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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