And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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