once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize