Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
