Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
