Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
