All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
