sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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