That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
