just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
