just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
