Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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