I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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