Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
