apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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