Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
