It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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