There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
