haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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