things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
