this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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