i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize