I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
