please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
