His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
