Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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