Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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